Wreck of the Hesperus

like holy crap!

2006-01-02T23:35:00.000-08:00

Um, I haven't posted for almost over a year... I think I will start doing it again. Well, maybe.

iAccessory

2005-01-27T08:25:00.000-08:00

Sure this post is way late considering I have wanted an MP3 player since before they were invented. But due to my current financial situation all my music in my computer at my fingertips in a compact, cute rectangle is in the distant far far future. I do have to applaud a certain company, and I am sure many others have brought up this point, but well done, Apple. You have officially made me want white ear buds dangling from my ears instead of earrings. With your ads that plague Chicago (literally, an El stop with the silhouette posed in a dance and the white case and the splash of neon are few and far between) and millions of young Chicagoans sporty the stylish white 'phones you have made me realize that my life is incomplete with out one and I should run out get one and immediately strike an odd comprising pose and let someone sketch my silhouette...cause that's how they do it, right?

Every morning I get on the El with my 1986 looking discman and 18 songs that I have been listening to for the past week and rock out jealously as others represent their excellent taste with the sleek and sophisticated white ear phones that mean one thing, iPod. I was looking at overstock.com to see if an MP3 player was more affordable there, but let’s be real people, who wants black ear buds, who wants a circular music holder, who wants buttons instead of the circle? Not me, so sad to say the iPod I so desperately want will not be arriving at my doorstep any time soon. That is unless I meet a guy who falls head over heels in love with me and wants to give me one for Valentine’s Day… or maybe just a sugardaddy will do.

iSigh.

Kate!

2005-01-27T08:13:00.000-08:00

Goood for my dear friend Kate Winslet for nabbing that Oscar nom for Eternal Sunshine of the BEST MOVIE EVER. Though I am confident she won't win, I will be rooting for her 5,000.

OH MY DEAR GOD, I'M BACK!

2005-01-18T13:17:00.000-08:00

Well, me oh my oh apple pie, I sure have not posted in a freakin long time. Well, perhaps I shall resume and fill you in on all the that has happened to me in the months that have spanned...

.... the space above speaks loudly enough. Hopefully I will continue this blog and entertain you, my loyal reader, on a weekly, or daily or yearly basis, I can never tell.

Banding together.

2004-11-12T13:57:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite things to do is come up with wicked awesome band names. Solely awesome will not do. Here are a few that over time have stayed with me, or I have just thought of and when I read this post again will think they are crazy....crazy cool.

1. Yoinky and the Steamgrinders
This band is my staple wicked awesome name. Y&S is a band comprised of 4 guys. They play old railroad tunes with a punky pop edge.
2. Death of the Water Machine
Two guys and a girl...hell, let's throw in the expected pizza place even. These kids are just in college but rock out in local bars with their emo, mellow sound. They have also perfected the adult-alternative soft rock rap. Sounds a lot like spoken word, but the bass is pretty hot.
3. Dancing Backwards in a Crowded Room
This is a solo gal, most likely named Judy, Lucy or Renee. She plays hippie shmack tunes about the environment and her ex boyfriend Ronaldo.
4. Wizard Where are You?
WWY is most famously known for their pop hit The Blue Line. It's a catchy number and like most of their music resembles show tunes of yore.
5. DunderSheik
Hard rock. Rocks hard. Especially in album two entitled; Men are from Mars Women flock to my pe_ _ _.
6. Envelopes, Licked.
3 guys a girl. Rock out and can also take it down a notch. Their debut album, Baby Shoes for Sale has received mixed reviews, but seems to be very popular with women ages 18-55.

These I don't feel like explaining now; I am sure I will at a later date. Until then...

These Slippers
Pages Withheld
Mary Awaits Punctuation of a Sentence
grasshoppers
King of Tuesday
Septemberish
Havana Hockey Coach
Fall of the Sloth
Captain Pants and the Midnight Orchestra
Charlie Sheen Goes to Town
Aunt Mae's Blackberry Jam Session
The Beatles
Half House
Bargain for Blankets
Cardboard Robot and the Box of Aluminum Foil
The Tale of a Red Sweater
Don't Wait Up, Jason.
The lens
My Dad Beat Up Yours
demise of Cherry Pies
A Run to the Stockings Store
Four Mikes and a Beth
Light Rain and a Stenographer

Don't see Alfie. Or if you are going to see it don't read this or ever talk to me again.

2004-11-10T11:16:00.000-08:00

Don't see the movie Alfie. Just don't do it if you a) have respect for yourself b) would be capable of poking out eyes with popcorn or jujubees box c) are human d) don't want to throw up in your mouth. It is really the worst movie I have ever seen. And I am a harsh critic of movies, I have seen a number of bad ones I feel but this is the pinnacle the apex the peak on the mountain of bad movies.
I am wondering if I need to see the original with Michael Kane to see why on earth they would decide that making this trite, cliched ridden, sexist piece of crap a second time.

First of all, it's the worst script I have ever heard. Completely predictable with lines like "absinthe makes the heart grow fonder." Now, I myself love a good pun but when I can predict it, it's just bad form. The plot line was ridiculous and unbearably unbelievable. There were no consequences to speak of for any of the characters. Alfie is a sexaholic...oh no! he may have an STD... oh wait, it was just a lump, back to his swining bachelor life. Alfie gets his best friend's girl friend pregnant on a pool table (shock) and then takes her to have an abortion where she doesn't go through with it but does not indicate that to him. Alfie is off scott free. I could go on with all the crap plot lines but I am about to throw up in my mouth.

The direction was awfully poor. They had this lame concept of signs that were painted in giant letters "DREAM", "HOPE", "BELIEVE" or other trite words and Alfie would be shot often times walking by them like we the audience are supposed to see subliminally see the symbolism in the swining american male dream that is Alfie.

Alfie speaks to the audience about 1/4 of the time. I hate when actors talk to the screen. Give me voice over, give me Kevin McAllister in a mirror, just don't talk to me then ignore me.

The acting was surprisingly really bad. I would have expected better from Jude Law, Marisa Tomei and Susan Sarandon. They never listened to one another, it was as is their lines were pieces of garbage... well, the script was so bad, maybe they knew that.

Anyway, just don't waste your money. Worst movie of all time. I am ashamed that I saw it.

Story with a moral

2004-11-02T14:12:00.000-08:00

So people really love to come up to me on the street, especially on Michigan Ave. Maybe I am just naive and this happens to everyone, but I have been approached twice about my happiness at my current job and have been approached twice about getting a haircut from some fancy shmance salon. I guess I must look like a really sad walking piece of hair when I go to work?

For example, this man came up to me today as I was walking and started a conversation like we had been talking for minutes and had been cut off by a loud siren or a cross walk or something like that.
"So, are you happy where you work?" asked the man.
"What? Um, yes?" I said.
"Where do you work, a law firm?" asked the man.
"A law firm?! No, I work at an ad agency" I said.
stare. stare. creepy non blinking stare. did the man.
"so, yeah, I am happy where I work...thanks for asking?" I said.

The moral of this story is apparently when you don't have a haircut, you look like a lawyer.

Wha happened?

2004-10-29T11:04:00.000-07:00

I thought this only happened in Tom and Jerry cartoons.

Virginia native moron walks the streets of Chicago

2004-10-29T08:35:00.000-07:00

I really think that my job has gradually made me dumber this past month. I haven't noticed it, but I am just kinda slow on the uptake if you know what I mean. Ah, but today I realized that I am a grade-A moron or as my dad likes to say, a maroon. I was taking my usual brisk- holy shit -if- I- don't- get- the- 9:31- train- I- will- never- make- it- to- work- on- time- but- no- one- even- cares- much- to- notice- so- why- should- I- bother- but- I- don't- want- to- look- bad- or- be- caught- late- cause- what- if- this- leads- to- a- permanent- job walk when I saw a little boy and his dad walking to school and the little boy was carrying a small instrument case and the dad had cupcakes or some kind of box of plants, I wasn't sure which. I thought to myself, ' Ah, father and son. How nice that he takes such a role in his child's cupcake-plant-school life and, Oh! How cute, that little boy has a miniature guitar. That's so precious. It's a precious day. Holy shit, I missed the train... mother$#%... ' and so on, that's kinda how my thought process works.

It wasn't until I was standing at the Damen stop waiting for the 9:40 train when a thought crossed my mind. 'Krissy, do they really make miniature guitars for children? Well, maybe, I guess. But did the thought every occur to you that the boy could be carrying a violin as opposed to a very small and cute guitar?'

No. It didn't.

I am clearly a moron and live in a world sans logic. Thanks Chicago, thanks mindless temp work (or lack thereof).

Texas stole my phone...

2004-10-27T11:54:00.000-07:00

So last night Jordan let me use her car. Holla! It's always exciting when I can do that because that means no bus and no late nite bus drivers who ask you how old you are and where your boyfriend is located at the present time. So Lauren and I went on a field trip to rescue my new phone from FedEx where I assumed it would be after they put 3 tags on my door saying "sorry I missed you." I mean, if I work 9-5 like most people do, who do they expect to be home at 2:13 p.m.. Maybe FedEx is some patriarchal corporation trying to turn me into a stay at home house wife in order to receive my packages. I wouldn't be surprised, we all know that in Latin Ex means penis.

But I digress... Lauren and I went out into the world to get new CTA 30 day passes, pick up some eye patches for our Halloween costume, a couple pumpkins, and my phone. Well, we got the passes but not patches. We went to this lame craft store that was mobbed with people (basically blond women) armed with yards of sequined fabric and fake fur in preparation for Halloween. This store had zero, zilch, nada! in the way a craft store should be stocked. No skull and cross bone stamps or sponges, no eye patches, no canvases, no t-shirts! how lame is that? Leaving the craft store empty handed save the giant fake tree covered in crows I tried to steal... we went and got four pumpkins for each of us in the apartment. It was really sad however, because it's so close to Halloween, most of these pumpkins won't have a home, so I urge you people, save a Pumpkin, go to your friendly WickerPark Cub Foods and pick up one, moldy or scared they will love you just the same.

Then Lauren and I went to a kinda of sketchy area of town where the FedEx is located to get my new awesome tubular birthday phone. But we get in there and the women are extra sassy to me and tell me to wait because they stopped looking in the back for packages at 9 when it say 9:45 on the tag they left at my door. Then one snaps the tag out of my hand, looks at it, hands it back to me and says, I can't get this, it's not here. You were too late. I can't look it up. She keeps saying negative things such as I can't look it up in about 10 different ways when finally I am like, Ok, I understand, thank you for your time.

So they sent my phone back. And Texas now has it. I bet it's being held captive somewhere in a dark saloon, guarded by spurs and a man named Jalapeño who is holding a lasso and has a handle bar mustache. So basically, this post is a plea for Texas to release my phone.

The end.

I left my indie rock at home...

2004-10-26T14:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was shopping at H&M and they played The Postal Service. I started to get really mad, so mad that I bought 70$ worth of clothes. But that's besides the point, I really was mad.
This marketing scam stank like a wet gym sock. I stood there, as the hangers tattooed my arms with welts, thinking that this is being played just to get customers. Well, duh, Krissy, that's what store music is for, it's to draw in the unsuspecting hipster standing outside who is like, dude this is song nine on my ripped CD entitled Songs for the Driven. It's also being played for the 13 and 15 year old boys and girls who have yet to find their true identity and think that it's lurking somewhere in H&M and then the will go home and search on Limewire for songs entitles "Everything looks perfect from far away". It just makes me really mad that The Postal Service is a part of this selling the indie identity to teens and to me for that matter. That's why I was shuddering when I heard it come over the speakers.

Does any of that make sense? I should probably keep my rants to myself is what I am thinking.

I'm in love with liquid paper...

2004-10-25T14:34:00.000-07:00

I've decided that an office job is pretty lame.

Confessions of an aimless mind...

2004-10-25T08:44:00.000-07:00

So in acting class we had an exercise where we had to come in with 10 things we have an opinion on. Basically I dislike this, I love that, yadda yadda. On the bus ride to class (av. 30 min, oy!) I came up with a whole bunch which I will now share with you.
1. Speedos in general are a bad idea.
2. Hipster mullets are not cool. (saw 2 on my way to work today, sigh)
3. Dogs that look like cats are hilarious.
4. Only certain men can carry off the 5:00 shadow and look good.
5. A cat on a leash is ridiculous.
6. Belly rings are the ugliest piercing of them all.
7. I love the sound a tennis ball makes when it hits pavement.
8. Leather jackets offend me and lead me to judgment.
9. Wabansia is the weirdest street name ever.
10. Cosby sweaters are real fun.
11. Mean shop girls deserve to loose their front teeth.
12. I would like the man who's voice announces the CTA stops to read me a bedtime story.
13. Two dogs on one leash is a waste of my time.
14. Shoes with flames on them are ugly.
15. Dead baby jokes are not funny.
16. Chicago has an excessive amount of Subways (sub place).
17. Chicago is the Mecca for short men.
18. Jelly Belly popcorn flavored bean is the grossest thing I have ever put in my mouth.
19. Wearing a white dress to a wedding when you are not the bride is total bad form.
20. I would rather put pimento loaf in my eye than watch football.
21. My dad can beat up your dad.
22. People who eat chicken legs on the bus next to my ear make me really mad.
23. Terry Gross seems like a very gentle person.
24. Human pyramids are unnecessary. (thanks, mitch.)
25. If you are at a bar and you are 30 and above, please do not dance on stage with a beer bottle hanging from your mouth to a version of Come on Eileen mixed with Baby Got Back, just don't do it.

And it don't stop...cause it can't stop

2004-10-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

Well last night was a really great low-key celebration. And by low-key I mean, in bed around 3a.m. which proved a very unpopular idea this morning. Anyway, we had rice and bean burritos for dinner that we made and the mates got me a cake that said, "Happy Birthday Luda". Pretty awesome. And I also got some pretty le awesome gifts.

Mom and the fam- got me really cool neon pink sassy shoes and some classy earrings and some reeses' cups and a bottle of prescription medicine that I left at home (hot!) and a check specifically for a hair cut (mullet-be-gone!).
Allison- left me a little surprise in the bathroom yesterday morning, which was really great to wake up to, I felt like a kid on St. Nicholas' Day. She gave me some extra swank bath spa soaps.
Lauren- gave me Eternal Sunshine of the spotless Mind (yay!3,000) and a Boo Cookie from Letizia's cause I can't shut up about them and the best gift of all, a compass! now I will never have to ask the bus driver which was he/she is going or wander aimlessly down streets, or lick my finger to see which was the wind is blowing.(phew)
Jordan-gave me a Minnie and a Mickie which is a certificate to get my nails and my t-nails did. hootie hoo.
Jimmy-gave me a kick a$$ drawing of a Sirius Black Wanted poster.

I got a whole bunch of calls from people I love 3,000 and it was great. Then we went to 1056, then LavaLounge, then subterranean. Good times had by all.

I am not gonna let you forget it till midnight

2004-10-21T13:28:00.000-07:00

So, I realize I keep talking about my birthday, but since I talk to like 2 people here at work and no one knows, I feel like I need to have little blog b-day celebrations by posting. Anyway, I looked up Oct. 21 on the ever popular "Birthday Trees" site. And out of all the crap horoscopes I've read today, this one seems to be the most accurate. My tree is the: Maple Tree which means (like, duh) I have "The Independence of Mind - No ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-respect, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, many complexes, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress."
Basically it means that I am awesome, and that my tree should be the Awesome Tree.

Just kidding, but that's a 'scope anyone would want to hear. Of course I am going to be-leaf* it's true.

*(intended)

The case of Carrie Fisher v. Judge Judy and how I took over the world.

2004-10-21T13:06:00.000-07:00

I have never been very impressed with those who I share my birthday with. There is Whitey Ford, but I am not gonna act like I really even know who that is. There is Ronald Regan's daughter, but again, I could measure the amount I care about that one in a contact lens. However in some research today, cause honestly, what else do I do at work? I discovered that I share a birthday not only with Carrie Fisher the acclaimed Princess Leia (which I already knew) but I share the day with freaking Judge Judy. Wow. One might say "Krissy, that's something to brag about." or " did you say cream of the crop, cause if you didn't, you certainly should, she's up there!". Or perhaps one may say, "wow, that really sucks. I had no idea October 21st was such a lame day."

Which brings me to the conclusion that I must take over the world. That is the only way I can save October 21st for the future Libras. I can't let them live in the disgrace of a When Harry Met Sally co-star and a woman with a gavel and snagle-toothed attitude. (whatever that means). I am going to have to take over the earth, rename it something like Kristopia so when little boys and girls are born on Oct 21st there will be no needless dribble about Leia and J.J.. They will simply say, "You know the ruler of the earth? Yeah, we are born on the same day." And all the kids on the futuristic (cause when I take over, it will be future time) space blacktop made out of astroturf and bath and body works soap beads will be hella jealous.

2004-10-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

Today I am 23. I don't feel older. As, of now, I don't have much to say on the topic.

American Ido-EL

2004-10-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

Man, I am pretty awesome at these post title puns.

Anyway, I saw Clay Aiken on the EL' . I swear it was him and then that awful 'If I was Invisible' song popped in my head and when I walked by him to get off, I bumped him with my purse! That's karma in your face, Aiken. But in all this talk about Clay, I had to actually google him to see if I spelled his name right, which lead me to his official web site, I never wanted it to come to that!!

On another note: I am really bored at work.

Ghoul Interrupted

2004-10-18T16:25:00.000-07:00

My favorite time of year is approaching! I am a huge sucker for Halloween, I can't remember a better time in my childhood when I would go door to door with my best friends always dressed as princesses and I was dressed up as Jem, a dancer (as defined by a gold glitter top hat and black sweat suit and umbrella cane) or Charlie Chaplin (yes, I had a sign that said trick or' treat and I held it up instead of saying it... I also had a mustache. I can only imagine what people thought of an 11 year old girl posing as a silent film actor from the 1920s. I am sure people thought I was a huge weirdo and that I would own a black trench coat in high school and paint my nails black and follow my boyfriend "Spike" around on a leash.) But no, I didn't turn out like that. And after that brief digression I get back to the fact that Halloween is a kick ass holiday that gives me the opportunity to be as crazy as I want! Or maybe as lame... but still, I get to dress up!

Anyway, I have no idea what I want to be this year. I had a very Guffman like conversation with Jordan where I said,
"man, maybe I will be a witch"
she asked, "huh?"
"no, a really cool witch."
"ok," she said.
"no, like one of those really cool ones. with like, a wig, and black...stuff."
"uh hum" said Jordan.

That's really all I've got so far. I feel like all other ideas have been corrupted and turned into some slutty, bedroom fantasy costume. I was thinking for a second about being Thelma from Scooby Doo, but I looked it up and all those costumes were like Frederick's of Hollywood meets the Mystery Machine. Not that I plan on buying a costume, I always make them, but still the sexy connotation for Thelma is out there and I refuse to participate in that.

I just don't want to be something really lame. Like one time, I had an exam the next day so could only go out for like 15 minutes and spent even less than that on the costume. I was a black-eyed-pea. I had a t-shirt with 'P' written on it and my eyes were black. It was awful. I am ashamed to admit that I was so sacrilegious about the holiday to take it in such vain.

I think my other idea might be Wednesday Adams. Cool, right? My ultimate goal is to be some clever pun, like a Freudian Slip and wear a slip or something. But until I think of that kick ass pun, I will be stuck being a Freak-Black-Eyed-Wednesday-Doo.

In case you were curious...

2004-10-18T14:32:00.000-07:00

"WRECK OF THE HESPERUS"
It was the schooner Hesperus,That sailed the wintery sea;And the skipper had taken his little daughter,To bear him company.Blue were her eyes as the fairy flax,Her cheeks like the dawn of day,And her bosom white as the hawthorn buds,That ope in the month of May.The Skipper he stood beside the helm,His pipe was in his mouth,And he watched how the veering flaw did blowThe smoke now West, now South.Then up and spake an old Sailor,Had sailed the Spanish Main,"I pray thee, put into yonder port,for I fear a hurricane."Last night the moon had a golden ring,And to-night no moon we see!"The skipper, he blew whiff from his pipe,And a scornful laugh laughed he.Colder and louder blew the wind,A gale from the Northeast,The snow fell hissing in the brine,And the billows frothed like yeast.Down came the storm, and smote amainThe vessel in its strength;She shuddered and paused, like a frighted steed,Then leaped her cable's length."Come hither! come hither! my little daughter,And do not tremble so;For I can weather the roughest galeThat ever wind did blow."He wrapped her warm in his seaman's coatAgainst the stinging blast;He cut a rope from a broken spar,And bound her to the mast."O father! I hear the church bells ring,Oh, say, what may it be?""Tis a fog-bell on a rock bound coast!" --And he steered for the open sea."O father! I hear the sound of guns;Oh, say, what may it be?"Some ship in distress, that cannot liveIn such an angry sea!""O father! I see a gleaming light.Oh say, what may it be?"But the father answered never a word,A frozen corpse was he.Lashed to the helm, all stiff and stark,With his face turned to the skies,The lantern gleamed through the gleaming snowOn his fixed and glassy eyes.Then the maiden clasped her hands and prayedThat saved she might be;And she thought of Christ, who stilled the wave,On the Lake of Galilee.And fast through the midnight dark and drear,Through the whistling sleet and snow,Like a sheeted ghost, the vessel sweptTow'rds the reef of Norman's Woe.And ever the fitful gusts betweenA sound came from the land;It was the sound of the trampling surf,On the rocks and hard sea-sand.The breakers were right beneath her bows,She drifted a dreary wreck,And a whooping billow swept the crewLike icicles from her deck.She struck where the white and fleecy wavesLooked soft as carded wool,But the cruel rocks, they gored her sideLike the horns of an angry bull.Her rattling shrouds, all sheathed in ice,With the masts went by the board;Like a vessel of glass, she stove and sank,Ho! ho! the breakers roared!At daybreak, on the bleak sea-beach,A fisherman stood aghast,To see the form of a maiden fair,Lashed close to a drifting mast.The salt sea was frozen on her breast,The salt tears in her eyes;And he saw her hair, like the brown sea-weed,On the billows fall and rise.Such was the wreck of the Hesperus,In the midnight and the snow!Christ save us all from a death like this,On the reef of Norman's Woe!
By Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Thought of the day...

2004-10-15T19:34:00.000-07:00

Guys that wear suits (preferably corduroy) with flip flops are hot.

on a mission...

2004-10-15T19:31:00.000-07:00

I am looking for new good music. I am kinda getting bored with everything, or at least I am playing the heck out of it. Any suggestions? I am anti-duff and lohan if that helps. I've started listening to Frou Frou and I like them a lot but, want something a little more poppy, a little more Postal Service but not, does that make sense.

Buller...Buller

2004-10-14T14:45:00.000-07:00

I just realized something, perhaps, I should have realized a long time ago. Well, almost a year ago that is. But ever since we have been in school we have been able to measure things. Months till summer vacation, days till Christmas Holiday...but now that I am an adult, or whatever, and I am no longer in school I have no idea how to measure my life. I can't say, "oh man, I have two more fall semesters of college left!"... that mode of measurement has left me. I kinda feel like I had a goal to jog a mile, and you get to like 8 minutes and you only have one more minute to go and you are so excited (at least I am) and you book it, cause you don't have that much longer to go. What happens after that, where does the incentive go? I seem to have lost mine. I guess I could do it by age... by the time I am 25 I want to have accomplished this this and that other thing. But it was so much freaking easier in school to just live in the moment. Jeeze! It still doesn't change the fact, that I don't own a car.

Motownphilly, back again!

2004-10-14T14:08:00.000-07:00

The idea just occured to me, as I spoke to my boss for the first time this week, that I should really do something with all this spare time I have when they have no assignments for me. Therefore, I bring thee, Wreck of the Hepserus: A Maritime Adventure. Captain Krissy will take you on a seaside tour of the most random thoughts and irrational fears that dwell within her head.