like holy crap!

Um, I haven't posted for almost over a year... I think I will start doing it again. Well, maybe.

iAccessory

Sure this post is way late considering I have wanted an MP3 player since before they were invented. But due to my current financial situation all my music in my computer at my fingertips in a compact, cute rectangle is in the distant far far future. I do have to applaud a certain company, and I am sure many others have brought up this point, but well done, Apple. You have officially made me want white ear buds dangling from my ears instead of earrings. With your ads that plague Chicago (literally, an El stop with the silhouette posed in a dance and the white case and the splash of neon are few and far between) and millions of young Chicagoans sporty the stylish white 'phones you have made me realize that my life is incomplete with out one and I should run out get one and immediately strike an odd comprising pose and let someone sketch my silhouette...cause that's how they do it, right?

Every morning I get on the El with my 1986 looking discman and 18 songs that I have been listening to for the past week and rock out jealously as others represent their excellent taste with the sleek and sophisticated white ear phones that mean one thing, iPod. I was looking at overstock.com to see if an MP3 player was more affordable there, but let’s be real people, who wants black ear buds, who wants a circular music holder, who wants buttons instead of the circle? Not me, so sad to say the iPod I so desperately want will not be arriving at my doorstep any time soon. That is unless I meet a guy who falls head over heels in love with me and wants to give me one for Valentine’s Day… or maybe just a sugardaddy will do.

iSigh.

Kate!

Goood for my dear friend Kate Winslet for nabbing that Oscar nom for Eternal Sunshine of the BEST MOVIE EVER. Though I am confident she won't win, I will be rooting for her 5,000.

OH MY DEAR GOD, I'M BACK!

Well, me oh my oh apple pie, I sure have not posted in a freakin long time. Well, perhaps I shall resume and fill you in on all the that has happened to me in the months that have spanned...




.... the space above speaks loudly enough. Hopefully I will continue this blog and entertain you, my loyal reader, on a weekly, or daily or yearly basis, I can never tell.

Banding together.

One of my favorite things to do is come up with wicked awesome band names. Solely awesome will not do. Here are a few that over time have stayed with me, or I have just thought of and when I read this post again will think they are crazy....crazy cool.


1. Yoinky and the Steamgrinders
This band is my staple wicked awesome name. Y&S is a band comprised of 4 guys. They play old railroad tunes with a punky pop edge.
2. Death of the Water Machine
Two guys and a girl...hell, let's throw in the expected pizza place even. These kids are just in college but rock out in local bars with their emo, mellow sound. They have also perfected the adult-alternative soft rock rap. Sounds a lot like spoken word, but the bass is pretty hot.
3. Dancing Backwards in a Crowded Room
This is a solo gal, most likely named Judy, Lucy or Renee. She plays hippie shmack tunes about the environment and her ex boyfriend Ronaldo.
4. Wizard Where are You?
WWY is most famously known for their pop hit The Blue Line. It's a catchy number and like most of their music resembles show tunes of yore.
5. DunderSheik
Hard rock. Rocks hard. Especially in album two entitled; Men are from Mars Women flock to my pe_ _ _.
6. Envelopes, Licked.
3 guys a girl. Rock out and can also take it down a notch. Their debut album, Baby Shoes for Sale has received mixed reviews, but seems to be very popular with women ages 18-55.


These I don't feel like explaining now; I am sure I will at a later date. Until then...

These Slippers
Pages Withheld
Mary Awaits Punctuation of a Sentence
grasshoppers
King of Tuesday
Septemberish
Havana Hockey Coach
Fall of the Sloth
Captain Pants and the Midnight Orchestra
Charlie Sheen Goes to Town
Aunt Mae's Blackberry Jam Session
The Beatles
Half House
Bargain for Blankets
Cardboard Robot and the Box of Aluminum Foil
The Tale of a Red Sweater
Don't Wait Up, Jason.
The lens
My Dad Beat Up Yours
demise of Cherry Pies
A Run to the Stockings Store
Four Mikes and a Beth
Light Rain and a Stenographer

Don't see Alfie. Or if you are going to see it don't read this or ever talk to me again.

Don't see the movie Alfie. Just don't do it if you a) have respect for yourself b) would be capable of poking out eyes with popcorn or jujubees box c) are human d) don't want to throw up in your mouth. It is really the worst movie I have ever seen. And I am a harsh critic of movies, I have seen a number of bad ones I feel but this is the pinnacle the apex the peak on the mountain of bad movies.
I am wondering if I need to see the original with Michael Kane to see why on earth they would decide that making this trite, cliched ridden, sexist piece of crap a second time.

First of all, it's the worst script I have ever heard. Completely predictable with lines like "absinthe makes the heart grow fonder." Now, I myself love a good pun but when I can predict it, it's just bad form. The plot line was ridiculous and unbearably unbelievable. There were no consequences to speak of for any of the characters. Alfie is a sexaholic...oh no! he may have an STD... oh wait, it was just a lump, back to his swining bachelor life. Alfie gets his best friend's girl friend pregnant on a pool table (shock) and then takes her to have an abortion where she doesn't go through with it but does not indicate that to him. Alfie is off scott free. I could go on with all the crap plot lines but I am about to throw up in my mouth.

The direction was awfully poor. They had this lame concept of signs that were painted in giant letters "DREAM", "HOPE", "BELIEVE" or other trite words and Alfie would be shot often times walking by them like we the audience are supposed to see subliminally see the symbolism in the swining american male dream that is Alfie.

Alfie speaks to the audience about 1/4 of the time. I hate when actors talk to the screen. Give me voice over, give me Kevin McAllister in a mirror, just don't talk to me then ignore me.

The acting was surprisingly really bad. I would have expected better from Jude Law, Marisa Tomei and Susan Sarandon. They never listened to one another, it was as is their lines were pieces of garbage... well, the script was so bad, maybe they knew that.

Anyway, just don't waste your money. Worst movie of all time. I am ashamed that I saw it.

Story with a moral

So people really love to come up to me on the street, especially on Michigan Ave. Maybe I am just naive and this happens to everyone, but I have been approached twice about my happiness at my current job and have been approached twice about getting a haircut from some fancy shmance salon. I guess I must look like a really sad walking piece of hair when I go to work?

For example, this man came up to me today as I was walking and started a conversation like we had been talking for minutes and had been cut off by a loud siren or a cross walk or something like that.
"So, are you happy where you work?" asked the man.
"What? Um, yes?" I said.
"Where do you work, a law firm?" asked the man.
"A law firm?! No, I work at an ad agency" I said.
stare. stare. creepy non blinking stare. did the man.
"so, yeah, I am happy where I work...thanks for asking?" I said.

The moral of this story is apparently when you don't have a haircut, you look like a lawyer.

Wha happened?

I thought this only happened in Tom and Jerry cartoons.

Virginia native moron walks the streets of Chicago

I really think that my job has gradually made me dumber this past month. I haven't noticed it, but I am just kinda slow on the uptake if you know what I mean. Ah, but today I realized that I am a grade-A moron or as my dad likes to say, a maroon. I was taking my usual brisk- holy shit -if- I- don't- get- the- 9:31- train- I- will- never- make- it- to- work- on- time- but- no- one- even- cares- much- to- notice- so- why- should- I- bother- but- I- don't- want- to- look- bad- or- be- caught- late- cause- what- if- this- leads- to- a- permanent- job walk when I saw a little boy and his dad walking to school and the little boy was carrying a small instrument case and the dad had cupcakes or some kind of box of plants, I wasn't sure which. I thought to myself, ' Ah, father and son. How nice that he takes such a role in his child's cupcake-plant-school life and, Oh! How cute, that little boy has a miniature guitar. That's so precious. It's a precious day. Holy shit, I missed the train... mother$#%... ' and so on, that's kinda how my thought process works.

It wasn't until I was standing at the Damen stop waiting for the 9:40 train when a thought crossed my mind. 'Krissy, do they really make miniature guitars for children? Well, maybe, I guess. But did the thought every occur to you that the boy could be carrying a violin as opposed to a very small and cute guitar?'

No. It didn't.

I am clearly a moron and live in a world sans logic. Thanks Chicago, thanks mindless temp work (or lack thereof).